incense sticks

Incense sticks are widely used across religions to show our respect for the Gods we pray to and elders who have left us. I have also done the same out of habit when on rare occasions I have prayed in recent years and regular occasions when i used to pray as a child. 

The people from whom I learnt this process and with whom I have done this thousands of times are now on the opposite side and i am lighting these sticks for them as well. 

I have always thought that we do that to pay respect, to probably have a connection with the other world while we chant or say things we want to say to our God's or elders but I think it is more than that. 

It is act of showing that you care and you miss them and even if you're not putting the insence in front of their pictures; by putting them anywhere you feel you're with them, they are part of you, they are still with you. This clearly means atleast for me now, that I'm not doing anything for them but for my own self, for feeling calm, for showing my own self that i remember and care and miss them. 

All these things are for me, aren't they?

Things change...

I think it's only for 10-15 years of your life that you want your own time, away from your parents, grandparents or anyone older and caring in your home; When you imagine your life away from them; alone, brooding about the issues that life has presented you with. Unprepared and unable to share, mostly by choice you wish to remain in your own space. Sometimes these spaces are also spaces of happiness; of teenage; of love; of things you're either shamed of or too shy of. Over the years these things become meaningless and you long for the warmth, the care all the people brought to your life. You want to have it again and feel it again. Sometimes you miss it and feel guilty of avoiding it for years when you had it. Ofcourse, nothing can be done now. 

You can feel guilty, sad or feel jealous of others who have it. Be angry at those who don't value it; forgetting that you were there once. 

But it's a very short duration of not wanting it because when you do it's mostly either not available and available in a very different form which you cannot relate it. 

नौसिखिया से

 कभी कभी सोचती हूँ

शायद तुम खुश हो वहाँ

देखते हो मुझे वहाँ से

रहते हैं तारे भी जहाँ

सोचते होंगे मॅन में

क्यूँ तड़पती है ये हमारे लिए

हम तो हैं अब  वहाँ

जगमगाते हैं जहाँ हज़ारों दिए

रहने वाले रह जाते हैं

तड़पते हैं जाने वाले कीआस में

बिना पानी के कुए के पास खड़े हो जैसे

हो वो ऐसी प्यास में

मानना होगा मॅन में

अच्छे हे हैं वो उस दुनिया में

आएगा शायद वो समय भी कभी

अभी तो शायद हैं हम नौसिखिया से 

क्यूँ....

क्यू नही उस याद को
आज काट के फेंक दे
क़त्ल कर दे उसका
उसे लहूलुहान कर दे

क्यू ना उस मंज़र को
खुद से ऐसे जुदा कर दे

क्यू ना बहने दे खून को

क्यू ना आँचल को लाल करदे

क्यूँ उसे अच्छा माने
और खुद को बुरा
क्यू सब ग़लतियो की
खुद को सज़ा दे!

कुछ यादें....

कुछ यादें कभी नही जाती हैं
कुछ सपने कभी ख़त्म नही होते
कुछ लोग कभी भूले नही जाते
कुछ वादे तोड़े नही जाते
उसकी यादें राते सहलाती हैं
कुछ यादें कभी नही जाती हैं

कुछ लम्हो का बहुत मोल होता है
कुछ बाते के सहारे ज़िंदगी काट जाती है
कुछ यादें कभी नही जाती हैं!

पूछ लो...

अपनी परछाइयों से आज पूछ लो 

ये जिस्म की क्या सच्चाई है

कल दफ़्न है जिसने होना 

उससे क्यूँ तूने नीयत लगायी है 

आइने में दिखते उस अक्स से पूछ लो

इस ख़ूबसूरती की क्या क़ीमत लगायी है

आज तुझे पाना है जिसे 

कल हिजाब में वही सूरत छुपाई है

नींद में बड़बड़ाते उन वादों से पूछ लो

यहाँ सच बोलने की मनाही है 

ना खेलो इतना भी ना मुझसे

तुझे बस खुदाई की दुहाई है ।

क्यूँ...

इक सन्नाटा सा है चारों और 

इक आग सी लगी है 

क्यूँ बेरुख़ी सी है हवाओ में

रहम की फ़रियाद सी लगी है 

क्यूँ आता है कोई 

मंज़िलों को छोड़ के 

क्यूँ किसी की रास्तों में

आवाज़ ही नहीं है 

क्यूँ लिखता है कोई

हज़ारों गीत इश्क़ में

क्यूँ किसी के लिए

अल्फ़ाज़ की कमी है

क्यूँ कोई जी गया

तेरी यादों के सहारे से

क्यूँ कैफ़-ए-जावेदाँ में

बस मौत की कमी है ।

झूठी थी...

वो तेरे इश्क़ के फरमान झूठे थे
वो बेवफ़ाई के इनकार झूठे थे
वो दुनिया को सुनाए फसाने  झूठे थे
वो बीत गये जो रोते-हस्ते वो ज़माने झूठे थे

वो कहते हैं कि इश्क़ की रूह मे सच्ची इबाब्दात है
जो सबसे उपर महबूब को रखे, वही सच्ची मोहब्बत है
पर तेरे लिए मुझसे बढ़ कर तेरी खुदाई थी
तुझे उसके लिए मंज़ूर मेरी जुदाई थी

वो तेरे इश्क़ का रूप झूठा था
मेरे आने से दिखता तेरे चेहरे का नूर झूठा था
वो तेरे इश्क़ का जुनून झूठा था
वो सुकून झूठा था

वो इश्क़ की आतिज़्बाज़ी मे
हम झूम-२ के कहते थे
बस रूप तेरा हे सच्चा है
बस इश्क़ तेरा हे सच्चा है
वो तेरे इश्क़ मे दिखती रहनूमाई झूठी थी
वो तेरी सच्चाई झूठी थी
और मेरा इश्क़ भी तेरा अक्स-ए-मोहब्बत था
तो मेरे इश्क़ की सच्चाई
क्या वो भी झूठी थी...??

Just Because..

How I am closed inside?
I cannot move
I cannot say a word
For few days I haven't eaten.
Because my mother hasn't
She has been crying
I can feel it too.
I want to tell her no mother don't cry
But I don't know the reason why,
You are crying
And I have heard words...
Words that I don't quite understand,
But they make me feel unwanted.
I think they are going to kill me.
That's why my mother cries
And I heard what she says,
"How many times are you going to kill a child inside my womb just because she is a girl?"

I wish...

Lost and confused, I didn't know what to tell you. I'm married to someone who doesn't love me which is fine. I don't love you too. We never met before marriage and none of us decided to talk to each other as well.Surprising, yeah!! I was alright with my parent's choice and you.. I don't know what went through your mind when you said yes.
Now that I spent this night with you I realized you are a broken heart, grieving the loss of your beloved who lost her life in an accident. Why I married you, well because I was tired of all the pressures I had on me for marriage. Probably you did it for the same reason. You were kind enough to tell me why you aren't interested in me. Why this marriage will not give me what I must have dreamt of. But I didn't have any dreams as such. I expected things to be regular, to have same things to be happy about and same things to be sad about like other couples but this is challenging. Last night you said "I wish I could tell you how I feel". I sympathize with your loss but no, I don't want to know how you feel, I never want to feel that pain. Instead I want you to feel how I feel. I want you to forget that pain and remember me. I want you to like me as a friend if not love me like a lover. So I say "I wish we could both feel something same which gives both of us happiness"...